My mother's mother died 9 days ago. Honestly, I'm not even sure exactly what she died of, but she had been sick in the range of ill to very ill for a year or more.
When I was small I spent many weekends at her house. I remember watching "Solid Gold", "The Barbara Mandrell Show", "The Love Boat", and "Fantasy Island" on many Saturday nights. She took me to the beach more times than I could count. At Christmas she took me to see the Boston Ballet perform The Nutcracker. It was our tradition. When I was older she took me to see "The King and I" (one of the last seasons that Yul Brynner performed before he died) and "Annie" in the big theater in Boston.
I am happy for her suffering to be over and I wish that she had had more of an opportunity to know her great-grandchildren. I sent her some pictures of the kids a month or so ago, and I gather that she was well enough to be aware of them and look at them. As for our relationship, it was strained with the the stuff of earth. Our last conversation was in December. She was clear-headed, she was unhappy, and she was suffering, but she was honest and real and I felt like she was beginning to shake off the bullshit of this world and that was a relief.

"And when my body lies in the ruins
Of the lies that nearly ruined me
Will You pick up the pieces
That were pure and true
And breathe Your life into them
And set them free
And when You start the world over again from scratch
Will You make me anew out of the stuff that lasts
Sutff that's purer than gold is
Clearer than glass could ever be
And can I be with You"
- Rich Mullins, "Be With You"

Noelle is one of my bestestest friends in the world, so when American Airlines canceled our flight to New Orleans where we were traveling for her wedding, we drove.

( Our adventure, with pictures, behind the cut. )

I saw the pattern for this mobile in Baby Boho Knits sometime before Christmas and really wanted to make it for Naomi. I started it in February and had it mostly finished by the end of March. I've been dealing with the finishing touches off and on for the last couple of weeks while she's been enjoying it. It's finally done. Click the picture to see all of pictures.
This was also a test run for my new system for uploading pictures, so hopefully I'll be able to get pictures up more quickly now.

I thought I'd quickly post some of the things we've been doing to attempt to keep this planet in a state which is habitable by its current residents. Maybe something here will inspire you. If you have any ideas for me, please leave them in the comments.

• cloth diapering

We cloth diaper both kids.  I have to say that cloth diapering one was never a burden to me, but cloth diapering two is quite a bit of work.  Still, though, it's cheap and fairly easy and, of course, better for the environment.

• reusable napkins/paper towels

We have a stash of about 80 washcloths which we use instead of paper towels or napkins.  It took a long time to get this working in a way that was helpful to us.  For a long time I didn't have enough washcloths to make it work.  Finally I bought 70 washcloths in one day (they were on sale super cheap at Target) and now it works out pretty well.

• reusable shopping bags

Jen (jenssnbblog) shamed me into this.  I had been using paper because I do reuse the bags fairly often, but it became clear to me that I was obtaining them faster than I was using them by an unreasonable rate.  Now I have 3 canvas bags that I bought at Trader Joe's for the purpose.  I throw a few paper bags into the canvas bags in case I need more.  I'll probably buy a few more of the canvas bags because they hold a ton and are really easy to carry.

• bus/working from home/carpooling

The drive to Santa Barbara from Ventura which we used to do every single workday now costs over $10 in gas.  For a while now (a year and a half?) Matt has been consistently taking the bus.  Those of you familiar with our area know that public transportation here is inconvenient.  Buses do not run often or to enough places.  We are really lucky.  The bus that takes Matt to Santa Barbara only makes 5 or so stops.  One of those is only a mile and a half from our house (he drives there and parks the car) and another is only 3 blocks from work.  The bus ride takes a little over an hour for a distance that would take about 45 minutes to drive.  For our area that is pretty great.
Many days Matt is working from home.  This is great for us as a family but also eliminates the commute on those days.  He also carpools with a good friend one day a week or so.  He rarely drives to Santa Barbara alone in the car.
I would love to live in a city with a great subway, but that's for another life.

• the good light bulbs

Matt replaces light bulbs in the house with energy efficient bulbs when possible.

• tankless hot water

We have an "on demand" water heater which uses less fuel because we only heat water when we need it.  This has the added advantage of providing "unlimited" hot water for those days when you need an extra long shower.

• we drive instead of flying!

When we had to go to a wedding 2000 miles away we packed up the car and made the drive instead of flying in an earth-polluting airplane!  Thank you American Airlines for helping us be more earth friendly!!!

• power usage

I swear we use enough electricity to light a small city.  This is largely because of the number of computers in the house, most of which belong to work so I'm not sure what to do about it.  Any tips would be appreciated.

• food packaging

A large part of what goes into our trash is the packaging that our various food purchases come in - plastic bags of frozen vegetables, yogurt containers, milk containers, etc.
I'm not sure exactly what to do about this, but I think a good first step would be buying our produce fresh from a local co-op or something where we could package it ourselves instead of buying it pre-packaged.  Also, hopefully I'll be able to produce more of our vegetables this year in our garden.  We eat take-out much less often than we used to, and are generating less trash in that way, at least.

• cleaning products

We're not too awful in this area, but it would be good to eliminate chemical cleaners entirely.  I still rely on them for cleaning our toilets and showers.

• more efficient lawn watering

Our lawn does not require much more water than we naturally get here, but the way I water it is incredibly wasteful.  I need to replace our sprinklers with a soaker hose or drip irrigation or something so that I'm not just washing the sidewalk when I water the lawn.  It would be nice to re-landscape our front yard with native plants and trees and eliminate watering altogether, but that would be pricey and we can't prioritize that right now.  Still, it would be pretty sweet.

• insulation

Our windows are thin, cheap, aluminum-framed and let in the cold.  If we replaced them with more insulating windows we would probably cut our energy usage (for the furnace in the winter) considerably.  Also, a fan in the attic would really help cool the house in the summer.  We don't have (or need) air conditioning, but the house does require some intervention to keep it livable in the summer and one efficient fan might do more than the 10 or so that I usually set up around the house.

I thought the thing was going to torture the poor kid forever, but today there is a sharp little tooth sticking out of her gums. She is 6 months old. Joseph had 6 teeth by the time he was six months old (maybe 8?). He got his first tooth at 3 months. Also, I gave her some cooked carrot last night - just a tiny bit and she gagged it up, but we're on our way. My baby is growing up.

Noelle (not housepoet, and not Noel in Ventura who lived up the street from me in Redlands (not to be confused with Janelle who also lived in the vicinity and now lives in Ventura)- so many great Noelles in my life!) got married last Saturday. Our plan had been to fly to New Orleans for the festivities, but American Airlines canceled our flights and could not get us there in sufficient time for me to prepare music, prepare flowers, be at the rehearsal dinner, and really be a part of the big event. So, long long story short - we drove - 32 hours - no stop more than 45 minutes long - with both kids.
Yes, we are crazy.
More later - hopefully with pictures.
I am so tired.

I'm pregnant. I sort of can't believe it.

( The whole story. . .  )

Most of you know Rorschach is the feral cat I adopted in 1995. I kicked her out of the house last year for indiscriminate peeing and for attacking my friend's kid. Luckily, our weather here is mild and she's too fat to get out of our yard, so she's been happily living on our deck. Matt tries to go out and spend time with her, as they are strangely bonded.
We've always tried to teach Joseph that, in general, pets are friendly and wonderful, but you must always ask the owner before touching them because some pets, like Rorschach, will bit or scratch you very badly. With Rorschach this is especially important as she will rub up against you and purr and be very happy to be pet and just when you are remarking how soft her fur is (seriously - it's like a bunny rabbit) suddenly she'll turn and bite. She has hurt people very badly.
Anyway, Matt and Joseph were outside this morning and Matt was holding Rorschach with Joseph sitting right there. Generally, I don't touch Rorschach when Joseph is around, but Matt is careful to clarify to Joseph that Rorschach is not ok for children to touch.
Unfortunately, I think his wording left something to be desired because Joseph said to me,
"She is oh so furry, but watch it or she'll eat you!"

o I think I have a solution to my mobile problem. It will be super cute and you will think I'm very creative.

o I lifted weights this morning and I think I did something bad. I'm having serious pain around my left clavicle. I'm typing this with an ice pack wrapped around my shoulder/neck. I just took 600 mg of Ibuprofen. We'll see if that helps.

o Matt and I _rarely_ argue, but we had an argument yesterday. Topic: the fucking garage. I'm so so sick of how disorganized and filthy and cluttered it is out there. Everytime I go out there I end up angry. Yesterday I just wanted to pump some air into my exercise ball, but there is no way I was going to find the right tip for the air compressor. Seriously. No. Way. Matt doesn't really get the extent to which it bothers me. Anyway, we had a good talk and I'm hoping to propose a garage plan sometime soon. Robyn - didn't you point your readers to some good garage-organizing resources recently?

o I'm doing mini scrapbook/cards for the kids' great grandparents. It's fun and makes me wish I had the time to get into scrapbooking.

o I don't get to to see Wait Wait Don't Tell Me tonight even though they are recording only 40 miles from my house. No baby sitter could be found. Matt was totally willing to let me go by myself, but I really wanted to go with him and when we couldn't make that work it seemed more reasonable to save the money for something we could do together. I have beautiful children though so, you know, that makes up for it.
Most of the time.
Just kidding.
Mostly.

I want something from which to hang a mobile. I'm picturing a weighted base with a semi-flexible arm coming up out of it at an angle nearly perpendicular to the ground. I would hang the mobile from that and it would bend a little bit, so that the mobile was not hanging directly over the weighted base.
Where do I find such a thing?

Naomi was cranky, so I put her down for a nap. She did not fall to sleep, but she was settling in the co-sleeper so I left her. When I left my room, the babysitter (who was with Joseph - I was supposed to be working) told me she wasn't feeling well and asked if she could go home early. I paid her and we said goodbye. Joseph got really upset that she was leaving. He started crying and smacking the front door. I told him that I understood that he was upset that E had to leave and he couldn't go with her, but that if he had to scream and cry he could go to his room or come sit on the couch with me. He wouldn't budge and I was reluctant to physically intervene (meaning, pick him up and take him to the couch).
Then Naomi started screaming. I swear that anytime he cries or has a tantrum and she could even conceivably hear it, it sets her off. Then I have two upset kids.
In that moment, I could have slapped him. I feel how that anger could build up in a person. It passes, but it is a strong urge. It was just too much for me all at once.
Anyway, I comforted Naomi and put her back down. Joseph calmed down enough to sit on my lap for a couple of minutes. Then I made him some tea and turned on the TV. He is on the couch watching Berenstein Bears so all is well and peaceful.
Those are the moments that make being a mom hard for me. When you really feel like you're doing your best but there is a rage building up that it takes some energy to suppress. I'd say I have something like this happen, oh, five times a day. I don't think it gets harder over time (or even with two kids), but it's not easier than it was when Joseph was a baby. You'd think I'd learn that these things pass.

This single parenting thing is for the birds. Seriously - how do you do it?
Joseph and Naomi alternated waking me up (and waking up eachother) all night. Normally, one of us would just bring Joseph back to his room and break the cycle.
Oh the tired.

This morning we were in the car when I heard a loud farty noise from the back.
"Joseph, did you poop in your diaper?"
"Yeah. I pooped."
"Ok. We'll change it when we get to the store."
"Yeah."
"I heard the poop."
"I heard the poop. I heard the thunder."

We took Matt to the airport this morning. For 4 days I'll be on my own with the kids. Cue every single parent in the world looking at me and saying, "Oh, deal with it, lady." Seriously, though, I'm a wimp. My husband is awesome and I'm used to having him here.
Joseph fell to sleep on the way home from the airport so I put him down for his nap early. He's wide awake in his room playing with a book, but he's having his rest time. I wish he had stayed asleep - he probably needs the rest.
Naomi is hanging out in the office with me and she is rolling over a lot. She did it for the first time last Sunday at Janelle's sister's place (we were visiting her sister who just had a beautiful baby - her second perfect, beautiful girl) and has been really into it since then. In 20 minutes she's moved about 5 feet - very manageable for the moment, but I'm seeing a not-too-distant future which includes more stringent baby-proofing. I think she'll be harder to keep out of trouble than Joseph was. She just has that mischievous look.

Last night we sang at the re-opening of the Granada Theatre. The new theatre has modern amenities that we did not previously have at the Arlington such as toilets and space to actually sit down inside the building while we're waiting to perform.
Anyway, here is 30 seconds of us performing O Fortuna:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRD_FGJ1ei8
If the screen were about an inch wider I would be about 1/3 of the way up the screen on the far right. =)

These are some of the projects I really want to work on right now:

o wiki-fy-ing our family organizational stuff such as recipes, schedules and such
I'd post a link but so far it's embarrasingly bare - more on that soon, I hope.

o Naomi's knitted animal mobile
I have 3 1/2 of the 6 animals done and I think that the holder thing will be super easy. Maybe I can finish it this weekend? Who knows.

o Art projects for Joseph
I need to get more special activities for him - stuff to break the monotony of our normal routine. Preschool has been a huge help in this area, but I want to have fun creative stuff for him to do here at home, too. Suggestions, anyone?

o Painting our baseboards
Noelle finished our baseboards in February. I'd be so stoked to get them painted. They all need to be caulked which will probably take a day. Painting will take another afternoon. It will be nice to have them done - such an accomplishment!

o Design and start shopping for living room redecoration
Really all I can afford is thinking about it and maybe getting some fabric swatches, but I hope to have new furniture, paint, and curtains in time for Christmas.

o Tile backsplash in the kitchen
Again - money is a factor, but I'd like to order sample tiles. I'd like to do a glass tile backsplash - so pretty.

o Yard projects
Oh, gosh. Too many to even mention them all, but I want to at least get the lawn in the side yard (near the playset) established and start our vegetable garden for the year. I'm hoping Joseph is old enough to get into the gardening with me this year (at least old enough to not pull out the tomato plants in an attempt to help me with the weeding!).

In the meantime, I'm working about 15 hours a week, looking at preschools for Joseph for the fall, trying to cook dinner every night (a huge challenge for me), singing in an inordinate number of concerts this month, and recovering from the horrible flu I had last month.

If only I didn't need sleep!

Matt goes out of town for 5 days on Saturday - it will be my first time alone overnight with both kids - wish me luck!

Ok, I don't mean to be callous about it, but I just found out that animal control put the dog to sleep on January 23. Apparently the woman who has conservatorship (spelling?) over the family's affairs agreed to have it done and not have a hearing. I actually feel bad for the family that they were not able to make their own decision, but I'm glad not to have to worry about the dog anymore.
In the meantime, we have another neighbor with yet another dog (also a pitbull) who has been in our front yard a lot over the last few weeks. I'm filing another nuisance complaint and have been trying to talk to the neighbor (but she hasn't answered the door) to explain to her why it is so very important to me that her dog stay in her yard.

I should have known something was up when Joseph wasn't thrilled to go to preschool on Wednesday. I thought I was through the worst of my cold earlier in the week, but I got much worse yesterday. Joseph seemed not right yesterday and today he isn't holding anything down. Matt isn't feeling well and I still feel pretty rotten.
It's gonna be one of those days, kids.

For over an hour and a half they slept at the same time today. And that does not count the time it took to put Naomi down or the time Joseph spent awake in his room before he fell to sleep.
Nice.
It should be understood, though, that even when they sleep it's not the same as not being responsible for them. You know they could wake up at any minute or that one of them could scream for you to get them something. It's not like you can go out purse shopping (here is the one I'm coveting: http://www.rei.com/product/752377?vcat=REI_SEARCH) or anything.

I really enjoy a nice day at home. I can wear my PJ's, knit, write some e-mail, maybe fit some work in, fold laundry, and just enjoy my beautiful family. If I let myself, I could easily stay home many days out of the week. The problem is that after a day or two at home I do start to get lazy and feel depressed. It's definitely a thing to be enjoyed in moderation.
Joseph has been dragging his feet when it comes time to go places. It's hard for me to fight him since I'd rather sit and relax at home most times. Today he was upset about going to preschool. Matt took him in and said that Joseph cried when he left. That makes me sad because I want preschool to be positive and awesome for Joseph - not something that is sad and tantrum-inducing.
On the one hand, I'm glad that he is easily entertained at home. He loves his toys and "playing Mario" with me (really just holding a controller while I play - ssshhh - don't tell!) and generally just being at home. This makes him a fairly easy kid to take care of. On the other hand, I want him to have lots of experiences and get out and get fresh air and exercise and meet people. So there you have it.